Miriam’s third birth story: ‘B’Sha’ah Tovah’
Many people have asked me, how does it feel to be a pregnant midwife? My answer is always that, whilst it helps to have the additional knowledge, when it comes to my own experience, I am still a mother, with the same vulnerabilities and anxieties that all other mothers have.
However, in saying that, you would think that this being my third baby, I would feel more relaxed about it all - but for some reason, at times during this pregnancy I felt consumed with worry. Perhaps it was due to hearing the old wives tales that go around midwifery circles about third babies being awkward … or maybe it was the seeds of doubt that had been planted when it was suspected I was carrying a ‘big baby’. I fully believe in the capabilities of women’s bodies to grow and birth their babies but when the roles were reversed, I found it hard to completely convince myself of this!
In safe hands
What was definitely different this time, in the 2.5 years since I last gave birth, was that for the first time in my life, I was now aware of my additional vulnerability as a Jewish mother. In the last 18 months, antisemitism has reached record highs around the world; tragically the birth world has not been immune from this hatred. In fact, the recent Workplace Antisemitism Survey found that healthcare settings reported more antisemitic activity than any other and were reported as showing ‘indifference’ to Jewish concerns. Anecdotally, I and other Jewish birth workers have countless stories of antisemitism from institutions and colleagues alike. I have been shocked by the prejudice shown towards the Jewish community – and this coming from people working within roles with compassion at their core. For this reason, it was more important than ever to have support from professionals whom I trusted and felt safe with.
This is where being a midwife myself was a huge benefit, as one of my closest friends Alice was now working on the homebirth team and having given birth at home for my previous babies (and in general being a huge homebirth geek!), it was without doubt that this would be my choice again! Having your best mate come round to do your antenatal checks as well as a cuppa and a catch up, was the best tonic to ease those fears. I knew I was in the best hands with someone who really cared for me and my family.
B’Sha-ah Tovah
As I approached full term, I convinced myself that little one would be coming early, so it was much to my surprise when my due date came and went. What I hadn’t truly considered, despite being blessed by several Jewish people during my pregnancy with the phrase ‘B’Sha’ah Tovah’, meaning ‘in good time’, was that little one really would do exactly that. At 40+4, I had a compulsion to go swimming, something I had loved doing in my previous pregnancies but hadn’t had the opportunity to do so far this time. It also happened to be a nursery day and as my partner Garth was now already on leave from work we had a very rare day without the kids together. So off we went for our first ‘date’ in 7 months, swimming followed by an uninterrupted lunch! Once I managed to squeeze myself into my cossie, the feeling of weightlessness and being able to finally move my hips without pain in the water felt wonderful. We will feel eternally grateful to our littlest baby for holding on just that bit longer to allow Mummy and Daddy some precious time together – that pause and time for connection as a couple felt so needed within our usual busy and at times chaotic lives.
The swimming must have helped baby engage, as just the morning after at 7am, without any prior warning, I stood up out of bed and the contractions started instantly. Having been used to frequent bouts of fairly intense Braxton Hicks by this point I thought I’d give it a while to see what happened, but it became apparent quite quickly that this was the real deal. Within half an hour I was in the shower and on speaker phone to the birth centre asking for them to send whoever was on call out to see me. I had of course already messaged my friend/midwife Alice to let her know it was finally happening - again, the timing was perfect because she was just about to start a day of tedious IT training that thankfully she was now excused from! She was with me within 20 minutes and offered me a quick examination to see if we had time to drop our toddler off to nursery or not - I was 6cm with waters bulging – I turned to Garth and said that he should head to the nursery ASAP but I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t give birth before he was back!
With every contraction I could feel baby moving lower, I was starting to feel pressure and becoming ‘transitiony’ – those fears were creeping back in ‘I’m scared’ I kept saying to Alice. But as is her perfect calming nature, she told me she wasn’t worried and that I was doing everything just as I needed to – I felt reassured and believed her. Garth managed to rush back in time, closely followed by the midwives who were on call and another close midwife friend Jo, who had been an amazing birth partner last time round and who told me on her arrival how excited she was to be there again. So, crowded into our already compact bedroom we had 4 midwives, my partner and myself – quite the party!
After the initial excitement and coming and goings of bodies, a calmness descended on our cramped space. Held in Alice’s arms, grounded by Jo’s massage, and anchored by Garth, I surrendered to labour.
I apologised for my apparent ‘undignified’ pose and Jo sweetly told me I was quite mistaken and that I looked ‘like a goddess’. I became meditative and my body took over – more so than I had felt in any of my previous births. It was pushing all of its own accord, in just the right places at just the right time. I felt an enormous wave of emotion and a deeply spiritual connection to another realm – I began to cry – healing tears washing away any last remnants of fear. A further couple of pushes and my waters dramatically popped, ‘he’s coming now, are you ready?’ I asked one of the on-call midwives Rebekah. Our beautiful baby’s head started to gently emerge, he waited a while to turn and so with encouragement from my dream team of supporters I moved from kneeling into sitting.
At 09.49 with one last almighty push, into the world he came – having just asked if Rebekah was ready, I clearly wasn’t quite there myself as I kept asking in disbelief ‘has he been born yet?!’.
The room was full of joy, we waited respectfully for the placenta to come and after being lovingly supported to shower and into fresh PJs, we spent the rest of the morning in laughter and love whilst I cuddled up with our perfect new baby.
International Day of the Midwife
This was the most magical birth I’ve had—and I credit that to being surrounded by people I trust and love. This week started with International Day of the Midwife, and I want to celebrate midwives like Alice and Jo and remind them of the amazing positive impact they have, especially for Jewish mothers like myself during times of increased fear.
For any other Jewish mothers who would like the support of trusted birth workers during their perinatal period, Shifrah UK hold a directory of contacts that we would love to put you in touch with – see Find a Jewish Birth Worker for details.
